@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
