so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
