I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
worst night to have a conscience
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
