Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
