I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
