i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
