I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
