um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
