I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
