My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
