shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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