Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
