I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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