Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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