don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
