why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
