dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
