I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
