i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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