he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
