3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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