Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
