The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
