How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
