so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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