I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
