just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
