I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
