My liver just broke up with me...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
