Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
