I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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