I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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