So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
