im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i out mim tonsoeep
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