we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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