Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
