brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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