I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
