He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
