don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
