Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm passing your future prison.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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