omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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