Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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