I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
