O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
