Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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