i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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