Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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