Already got asked if we're dating
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
