I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
