YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
